No1, the relationship between husband and wife must be the first line of marriage life engaged in so many years of emotional education, I found such a phenomenon: more than 90% of the true portrayal of failed marriages, the relationship order of these families is almost abnormal. For such families, marriage is not like a temple of love, but more like what people call a “tomb”. After marriage, it seems that both parties begin to acquiesce to the fact that the relationship has become weak. No longer put the relationship between husband and wife in the first order of marriage, on the contrary, the parent-child relationship, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the relationship between interests are above the marital relationship. In the Eastern marriage family, once a marriage is achieved, it seems that there is a wall of shame in front of both sexes, and each other begins to be ashamed to talk about love and marriage. It seems that in many families: it is naive and laborious to talk about love between husband and wife. But what about the truth?
However, in a stable family relationship, the degree of harmony between husband and wife is always the nail in the coffin. The other relationships scattered outward from this center are stable and fundamental. In marriage counseling, I found that lovers and couples treat love with two completely different attitudes. When lovers talk about love, they are often bold and effeminate. But in couples, even if they love each other silently when asked “Do you still love each other?” Most people will not say the word love, at most look at each other, and nod in acquiescence. After scratching his head, he said, “All the old husband and wife, what love do not love.” Marriage is not afraid to talk about love, shy to talk about love, the relationship between husband and wife in a weak position is the root of many contradictions such as cold violence, infidelity, anxiety, and so on. Therefore, an ideal model of marital relationship is that women need to lead men to run their marriage as if they had been in love, and men should take out enough responsibility and patience to guide women’s emotions as if they had been in love. Remember: A failed marriage is the grave of love, and a good marriage is the climax of the prelude to love. After marriage, both sexes should put the relationship between husband and wife in the first order of the family to manage, based on the parent-child relationship, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, etc., can be comfortable in the operation and come naturally.
No2, a good marriage, want to learn to “what can I give you,” to consider “what are you going to give me” when dealing with young marriage emotional problems, most young people have marriage ill: “a lot of young people for marriage is a decision on forehead photos, mistakenly fantasizing about each other before marriage can working out many not equal to the idea. But after getting married, I found that marriage is not a cure-all. Then I start to regret whether my partner is the right and loving person.”
The attitude towards marriage is all about “what this marriage can bring to me”, looking forward to using marriage to solve loneliness and anxiety, but never seriously thinking about “what I can give in marriage and what I can give to each other.” So I often say, “It’s not that when you get married, you stop being a child and grow up to be an adult. When you don’t have a clear sense of the rights and obligations of marriage, then marriage is just a formality, and each other is just two children playing house.” A marriage that lacks appreciation, acceptance, acceptance, responsibility, and intimacy is doomed to be unhappy and complaining. Therefore, when you begin to suffer from marriage and despair, this is not a common disease and normal marriage, but each other has not been able to take on the responsibility of marriage, natural marriage after a little bit of wind and wind, can easily crush each other’s “trigeminal nerve”.
Therefore, a good marriage must be “giving occurs before taking”. When each other begins to pay each other for this marriage, grow together, and then put forward “what emotional needs they have” to their partner and family, such a marriage is motivated and can be long and steady. Unfortunately, not all people can see marriage as a process of sharing the ups and downs, and not all people can think about their other half. We must realize that some people in long-term relationships are not only uncooperative but also calculating.
No3, marriage — not macro greatness, but sincere communication on the details,, many failed marriages, in the final analysis, are nothing more than the loss of two emotional needs of both sides – one is the sense of belonging, the other is the sense of attention. “Complaining is reasonable” has become the truest portrayal of many couples who languish in the business center. Women’s complaints are endless voices of blame. The complaint of men is deathly silent. To take the simplest example, when a woman is confronted by a man who comes home late, she will immediately blurt out “What have you been doing? Come back so late?” From the female perspective, her subtext is: You need to give me a reasonable explanation for why you are so late. Men, on the other hand, receive the signal: Where have you been fooling around again? Do you want this home or not? You don’t go home all day, and you don’t see anything in your career! (Blame) To tell the truth, male imagination and imagination picture, really not a woman weak, many times he just doesn’t want to say it. So the man began to be silent, and the woman tacitly accepted the fact of “cheating” and began to complain endlessly. Such seemingly irreconcilable contradictions in marriage come one after another. Women do not give men the sense of belonging they deserve when they return home. Men do not give women the sense of attention they should have when facing women’s doubts. Complaints and confrontations like this are often the first triggers for men to escape the pain of cheating and women to be disappointed. So in the offline classroom, I often talk about one thing: what is the correct communication mode for sexual relations?