We often see or hear, when the couple quarrel, there is such a dialogue: Woman: Every day you come home and know to lie down and play with your mobile phone, can’t you help share the housework and take the children? Man: I’ve been out all day, can’t you give me a break? Can’t you do such a simple thing by yourself? Woman: I AM TIRED ALL day, with WHAT YOU WANT to rest, don’t you have a share of this family? Man: Don’t you just take the baby and cook a meal? What’s so tiring about it! What do you have to complain about? Woman:… The content of a couple’s quarrel may be various versions, but after a long time, this kind of quarrel is the most common. In fact, both sides of the quarrel are expressing – “I am more hard and not easy, so you can’t ask me so much, you should do more.”
1. Whether you are “fighting for your own sake” in a relationship, many conflicts are caused by two people feeling that they are the most tired side. In the eyes of men, making money to support their families, not whoring, not gambling, it is not easy, tired. In the eyes of women, their own housework, take care of children, is also tired. In real life, many families will have such a mentality to quarrel, both sides feel that they are very tired, and at the same time, they feel that the other side does not understand them completely. When two people are together, if the division of labor is too clear, such as: foreign affairs all male package, internal affairs all female package. Once the lack of communication between men and women, after some time, each other will slowly get used to, you do your work, I do mine. Over time, slowly begin to feel that the other party’s efforts have nothing to do with them, and it is difficult to feel that the other party may be suffering some kind of difficulty. As a result, he gradually felt that he was fighting alone, and fatigue arose.
2. “I didn’t say tired, so you can’t either.” At the beginning, the two people walked together, hoping that someone could talk about their worries and share the ups and downs of life. However, if the other party says to you, “What’s so hard about this?” after you have just finished talking about your difficulties, you will feel sad and angry – I have worked so hard, and you didn’t see it! This “inability to understand other people’s difficulties” phenomenon occurs more often in men in general. This type of man will often say: “This is such a small matter, you say what to do.” “This kind of thing, EVERYBODY is SO come, YOU HAVE WHAT GOOD COMPLAIN.” “This shit, what do you have to be sad about?”
In fact, this kind of dialogue is to deprive the other party of the right to “complain”, which seems a little reasonable, but it gradually builds a high wall between the two people’s hearts. There is a reason for this phenomenon, which can be understood as: “What I can’t do, then you can’t do”, or “What I suffer, then you should also suffer”. This is also why men are physiologically less empathic than women. Because when men grow up, most of them are taught that “men bleed without tears”, “men need to be strong”, “men who complain will be laughed at”, and “men who admit that others will only look down on you, which is a great failure”… All kinds of similar teachings make men generally hide their suffering in their hearts. After a long time, they will feel that it is normal to suffer silently. Therefore, once women complain that they are wronged, men are easy to instinctively respond “what is this?”. In fact, the subtext of this man is “I have suffered more than you, why do I not say it, but you can say it?”
3. Life is not so much “should” as a male, if he says he can understand the feeling of a woman pregnant in October, it must be nonsense. As an ancient saying goes, “It is difficult for a clear official to judge household affairs”, just as it is difficult to use logic to clarify who is more tired, who is more difficult, and who should do more in a family. Just as we can’t tell whether a father’s love is greater than a mother’s, we can’t accurately describe which partner’s life is more difficult. In psychology, there is such a saying: “Any person, in the face of difficulties, no matter how he or she behaves, he or she has already tried her best.” If you think that a man should make money to support his family, a woman should do housework and take care of children. Then, people will start to lack appreciation for the little bits and pieces of daily life. Once you start not seeing your partner’s efforts and efforts, conflict and conflict can creep into your relationship.